Lord, you are my portion and my cup. You hold my future. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance. I will praise the Lord who counsels me-even at night my conscience instructs me. I keep the Lord in mind always, because He is at my right hand. I will not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad and my spirit rejoices; my body also rests securely. For You will not abandon me to Sheol; You will not allow Your Faithful One to see decay.You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in your right hand are eternal pleasures.
Psalm 16:5-11
Ok, so I know it's been a while but God's been doing a lot of work on my heart and the heart of my little family.
This passage has pulled hard on my soul this week and I have been reminded again that scripture is alive, powerful, and active. Our worship pastor, Stephen, read this at our Wednesday night service and I felt the familiar welling up of tears that I have experienced so many times as I sense God working. Circumstances have been uncertain for some time now in many aspects of my family's life yet we have never lost hope. We are learning to be entirely dependent on God this year in every single way imaginable. We had 2 choices. We could either become bitter and angry or rely on our Lord 100%. There was no in between. We chose to rely on Him. This is not to say that we haven't had more shaky moments that I care to count or that we have always felt certain as to our path. It does mean, however, that we always were sheltered by the Rock.
God is our portion. He is our cup. He fills our every need. He holds our future. When we are moving through life one moment and are shaken upside down the next, He holds our every moment. The boundary lines that he places for us are seen by many as forbidding and condemning. However, I see them as fences in a yard that protect me from so many beasts in the forest. He is not holding us back. Rather, He is guarding our bodies, hearts, and souls from more than we will ever realize. I have a beautiful inheritance and a reminder that, although our lives consume us here on earth, it is but a blink of an eye compared to the inheritance God has for us in eternity. I have decided to praise the Lord even when my future feels unknown. The Lord is in my thoughts and guides even my smallest moments.I will not be shaken. I will not be shaken. (my favorite part). When I rest in Him, my body, whether sick or healthy, rests securely. He will never abandon me to Sheol, the pit. I will never be allowed to fall apart. He reveals what I need to do step by step; revealing only enough to move forward and walk in faith. When I walk in all of these ways, I have more than enough joy. Wow. What a message of hope and love.
When I read and meditate on that passage, how can I be overwhelmed when life is not what I planned?
When reflecting on the last 6 months, it would be easy to become bitter and frustrated. A cancer diagnosis, Jeremy's job loss, and a move. However, I choose to look at how God showed up day after day. He provided a step ahead of our needs. He provided a teaching job that only He knew I needed, countless people that have loved us through the hardest season of our life, and very physical ways of meeting our daily needs. Rather than being overcome with the losses of the last year, I choose to be overcome by the presence of my God.
*update on my health-I completed chemotherapy back at the end of May and began radiation after a week at the beach that was so generously offered to my family. My radiation was 30 treatments and I went daily for 6 weeks. I met some wonderful people through that time and came to be thankful for a team that truly cared about my whole self and my family. I completed radiation therapy on July 31st and began preplanning for a new teaching job on August 1st. My school year has been terrific and I am feeling great. I have all of my 6 month rechecks this month (MRI, mammogram, oncologist and surgeon) and continue to move towards completely renewed health and energy. Love and thankfulness to so many of you that have fulfilled emotional and physical needs for me and my family. Love, Laura
Beach time!
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Praising God BEFORE He answers our prayers?
He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4
Praise itself is an act of faith. When we are able to praise God before we see the answers to our prayers, we're saying, Lord I trust you to work this out, according to your purpose. I'm going to thank you now for what you are going to do.
I read a lot of books, especially in the summer when there are not so many things grasping for my attention. I was reading a Christian fiction book called "Stand by Me" and this was a sermon being preached in one of tonight's chapters and it spoke to me. (Isn't it amazing how God can use all sorts of things to get our attention?) I love thinking about praise being an act of faith. We can all stand in church and sing but are we truly praising Him in our lives? Are we telling Him through that worship that we trust Him even when there seems to be chaos surrounding us? When we are able to put our trust in God by actively praising Him, we gain a new perspective. Usually the new perspective that God gives me is that it isn't all about me (gasp!).
And you know what else I've learned? The world is watching. They are waiting to see if a child of God can truly praise Him when feeling afraid. So, it's a balancing act. The balance of praising God in the quiet moments and being a outward testimony to his grace. This can actually lead others to trust in God when they are faced with a challenge. It's not, however, about being perfect. Nobody expects that. There are so many times that I pray that God can use me despite myself. That others can see past the "Laura" to the God in me. Praising God when we don't have all the answers (or any of the answers)? Super hard to do. It can even feel impossible. But I am slowly learning to trust that God is bigger than the uncertainties in my life. I promise you, this lesson is becoming a life-changer for me and my family.
Psalm 40:3 in the Message says, "He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise song to our God. More and more people are seeing this: they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God." Psalm 56:3-4 says, "When I get really afraid I come to you in trust. I'm proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God. What can mere mortals do?"
So, tonight I say, "Thank you, Lord for what you are going to do. Thank you for my new God-songs you have given me. I am proud for the chance to praise you. I trust in you. I love you. Thank you for my flawed worship because even then you see me as your righteous child. Oh, Lord, I want to be able to say, I am fearless now."
Friday, June 15, 2012
A Way in the Wilderness
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
How many of us fear that our past decisions will impair our ability to serve God or block God's willingness to show us favor? We fear that our mistakes are bigger than anyone else's or that God will continue to hold us back even after we've asked for forgiveness. Isn't that exactly where the enemy wants us? He will watch us sin, gloat over our mess, and then convince us that we are not worthy to serve God or worth His blessings on our lives. That is a win-win for the enemy. He can't have a believer's heart but he sure can whisper lies of insufficiency and unworthiness to us.
How do you and I avoid the cycle of sin and self-condemnation? Sometimes my desire is to look to others for acceptance to compensate for my disconnect from God. It will always backfire, however, because another person can never fulfill the sometimes un-named desire for connection with God. Have you ever felt, even as a child of God, that longing for more? The longing for connection? When I feel that sense I know that I have stepped away from God and have moved towards other sources of connections. For example, when I am struggling with a decision I tend to talk to my husband or pick up the phone and talk to a friend and then I start praying and looking for guidance in the bible. I have done that so many times without even thinking about the fact that I am working in the wrong order. First should come prayer and seeking answers in the bible and then looking to Godly counsel.
What am I getting at? When I am feeling a cycle of the "I'm not good enoughs" hitting, I typically tend to seek others who will make me feel better. Then, when that doesn't work, I go to God in prayer. My desire is to discipline myself to go to God first for acceptance and guidance. When I learn to seek Him first, I will never again cycle through the self-condemnation. If the enemy can get us to condemn ourselves, then his job is done!
What is your fear right now? You may feel like you are in a wilderness without a GPS. I know that is where we are right now. My lack of understanding can be frustrating. I don't know why God leads us through the wilderness but I do know that He doesn't send us out to the wilderness with a backpack and well wishes. He walks that wasteland with us. All I can do is put my hope in God and rely on His promises. He will make a path and He will provide the stream. Now, I may feel lost and thirsty before He gives me provisions but He will not fail me.
Rely on His promises: He has redeemed you and will call you by name. You may pass through the waters but you will not drown. You may walk through the fires but you will not be burned. (Isaiah 43:1). He loves you (John 3:16). Seek Him first and He will provide for you (Matthew 6:33). You are never condemned or defined for the past or present (Romans 8:1). He will work all things for your good if you love him and are called for His purpose (Romans 8:28).
Life isn't easy sometimes but we can rely on the One who knows that better than anyone.
Thank you, Lord, for always accepting us. Thank you that you love us, correct us, and guide us but never condemn us. Thank you for wanting us.
See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
How many of us fear that our past decisions will impair our ability to serve God or block God's willingness to show us favor? We fear that our mistakes are bigger than anyone else's or that God will continue to hold us back even after we've asked for forgiveness. Isn't that exactly where the enemy wants us? He will watch us sin, gloat over our mess, and then convince us that we are not worthy to serve God or worth His blessings on our lives. That is a win-win for the enemy. He can't have a believer's heart but he sure can whisper lies of insufficiency and unworthiness to us.
How do you and I avoid the cycle of sin and self-condemnation? Sometimes my desire is to look to others for acceptance to compensate for my disconnect from God. It will always backfire, however, because another person can never fulfill the sometimes un-named desire for connection with God. Have you ever felt, even as a child of God, that longing for more? The longing for connection? When I feel that sense I know that I have stepped away from God and have moved towards other sources of connections. For example, when I am struggling with a decision I tend to talk to my husband or pick up the phone and talk to a friend and then I start praying and looking for guidance in the bible. I have done that so many times without even thinking about the fact that I am working in the wrong order. First should come prayer and seeking answers in the bible and then looking to Godly counsel.
What am I getting at? When I am feeling a cycle of the "I'm not good enoughs" hitting, I typically tend to seek others who will make me feel better. Then, when that doesn't work, I go to God in prayer. My desire is to discipline myself to go to God first for acceptance and guidance. When I learn to seek Him first, I will never again cycle through the self-condemnation. If the enemy can get us to condemn ourselves, then his job is done!
What is your fear right now? You may feel like you are in a wilderness without a GPS. I know that is where we are right now. My lack of understanding can be frustrating. I don't know why God leads us through the wilderness but I do know that He doesn't send us out to the wilderness with a backpack and well wishes. He walks that wasteland with us. All I can do is put my hope in God and rely on His promises. He will make a path and He will provide the stream. Now, I may feel lost and thirsty before He gives me provisions but He will not fail me.
Rely on His promises: He has redeemed you and will call you by name. You may pass through the waters but you will not drown. You may walk through the fires but you will not be burned. (Isaiah 43:1). He loves you (John 3:16). Seek Him first and He will provide for you (Matthew 6:33). You are never condemned or defined for the past or present (Romans 8:1). He will work all things for your good if you love him and are called for His purpose (Romans 8:28).
Life isn't easy sometimes but we can rely on the One who knows that better than anyone.
Thank you, Lord, for always accepting us. Thank you that you love us, correct us, and guide us but never condemn us. Thank you for wanting us.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Waiting is the hardest part
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.
We wait on the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:18-22
So, for those of you who have read my blog periodically over the 9 months or so, the "Year of No Fear" has been in full drive, no? We've laughed with several of you about the timing of the blog and the course of events (yes, you have to just laugh sometimes). Several of you have noted that since I felt compelled to write this blog, we've had a tornado strike, a cancer diagnosis, and a job loss. But through the irony of the timing, I have to say that God knew (of course) what we would be faced with and I fully believe that He used that time prior of extra prayer and studying His word to prepare me for the coming months. I have spent time reading some of my posts prior to my diagnosis in February and am enthralled by the words that God gave me through those months to be used in my own life. He gave me those words to show His faithfulness and love to me.
It's been some time since I have posted-living between the reality of our situation right now and learning to wholly trust in God has been a struggle. (You can read more about it in an earlier posting http://ayearofnofear.blogspot.com/2012/02/day-40.html. )God and I have had many many discussions about the hurdles my family has been facing for the last few months. I have cycled between fear, sadness, and had moments of situational anger (mostly about my hair loss-vanity at its finest!). But you know what? We haven't struggled alone. Many of you have cried with us, prayed with us, laughed with us, and have gone through the emotions with us. Through all of this, we have not battled isolation or loneliness and I am thankful for that.
I was sent this passage from a precious friend of mine yesterday morning as we were facing a scary doctor's appointment that held the potential for news of an intensified and prolonged treatment plan. As I read this prior to the appointment, one of the parts of this that jumped out at me was the "waiting on the Lord" part. Oh, that is the hard part. I hate to wait. You can ask my extremely patient husband how anxious I become when waiting. Saying that, I feel like this season we are in has been one long "wait on the Lord". We've waited for test results, treatment, recovery from treatment, job interviews, feedback from job interviews, and the list goes on and on. I am learning, however, that God does things in His time for our good. He has given us hope over these last 5 months and he has shielded us from so much. I have had moments of feeling overwhelmed and sad but I can honestly tell you that I have been able to rejoice and praise Him as well. This season has purified my worship and brought me to Him. He understands loss better than anyone and can absorb my sadness, anger, and despair. I no longer struggle with telling God my frustrations and true feelings. He knows them anyway and it strengthens my relationship with him when I am honest about my feelings.
Please keep us in your prayers as we continue walking through the rest of my treatment and Jeremy's job search. We know God's unfailing love is with us and our hope is in Him.
In the meantime, we are spending the summer together while I work hard to grow a head of hair :)
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.
We wait on the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33:18-22
So, for those of you who have read my blog periodically over the 9 months or so, the "Year of No Fear" has been in full drive, no? We've laughed with several of you about the timing of the blog and the course of events (yes, you have to just laugh sometimes). Several of you have noted that since I felt compelled to write this blog, we've had a tornado strike, a cancer diagnosis, and a job loss. But through the irony of the timing, I have to say that God knew (of course) what we would be faced with and I fully believe that He used that time prior of extra prayer and studying His word to prepare me for the coming months. I have spent time reading some of my posts prior to my diagnosis in February and am enthralled by the words that God gave me through those months to be used in my own life. He gave me those words to show His faithfulness and love to me.
It's been some time since I have posted-living between the reality of our situation right now and learning to wholly trust in God has been a struggle. (You can read more about it in an earlier posting http://ayearofnofear.blogspot.com/2012/02/day-40.html. )God and I have had many many discussions about the hurdles my family has been facing for the last few months. I have cycled between fear, sadness, and had moments of situational anger (mostly about my hair loss-vanity at its finest!). But you know what? We haven't struggled alone. Many of you have cried with us, prayed with us, laughed with us, and have gone through the emotions with us. Through all of this, we have not battled isolation or loneliness and I am thankful for that.
I was sent this passage from a precious friend of mine yesterday morning as we were facing a scary doctor's appointment that held the potential for news of an intensified and prolonged treatment plan. As I read this prior to the appointment, one of the parts of this that jumped out at me was the "waiting on the Lord" part. Oh, that is the hard part. I hate to wait. You can ask my extremely patient husband how anxious I become when waiting. Saying that, I feel like this season we are in has been one long "wait on the Lord". We've waited for test results, treatment, recovery from treatment, job interviews, feedback from job interviews, and the list goes on and on. I am learning, however, that God does things in His time for our good. He has given us hope over these last 5 months and he has shielded us from so much. I have had moments of feeling overwhelmed and sad but I can honestly tell you that I have been able to rejoice and praise Him as well. This season has purified my worship and brought me to Him. He understands loss better than anyone and can absorb my sadness, anger, and despair. I no longer struggle with telling God my frustrations and true feelings. He knows them anyway and it strengthens my relationship with him when I am honest about my feelings.
Please keep us in your prayers as we continue walking through the rest of my treatment and Jeremy's job search. We know God's unfailing love is with us and our hope is in Him.
In the meantime, we are spending the summer together while I work hard to grow a head of hair :)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
I trust in your word
"I trust in your word."
Psalm 119:42
The strength of our faith is in direct proportion to our level of belief that God will do exactly what He has promised. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probabability or improbability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them. Faith rests on the pure Word of God alone. And when we take Him at His Word, our hearts are at peace.
(Streams in the Desert)
I am sitting in my sunroom looking at the gorgeous day outside and thinking about Jeremy and the kids at the park. Since it is the weekend following my treatment, it is difficult for me to do anything for the next several days. God has me listening to Him today, though, and for that I am thankful. My children are at peace and giggly today and I am so thrilled that life is "normal" for them right now (even though it is not anywhere near normal for Jeremy and I!).
I read this passage this morning and it resonated deeply with me. I am struggling today with our storms of Jeremy's job loss, and my cancer diagnosis and course of treatment. I am desperate to see God's purpose in these situations. I spent some time sitting in a "pit" of our losses earlier today and began dwelling on the "Why's". Oh, how much easier is it to examine feelings and appearances than it is to explore God's promises for our lives. Right now I feel like God is calling us to transparency and testimony (not easy when one is feeling whiney!). And if this is the sole purpose of our trial, then that is worth it. I pray that God gives us the strength to carry out His plan with joy, faith, and perseverence.
I look forward to one day looking back and seeing the path that God illuminated for us step by step. At the same time, I don't want to miss what God has for us in the present.The graciousness and kindness of the people around us, the strengthening of our marriage and family, and the reminder of God's love for our family surrounds us right now. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. Thank you for so many of you who have loved us so well through our season.
In this way, we will bear a worthy testimony to the world and thereby strengthen the lives of others. (Mueller)
I trust in your word.
Psalm 119:42
The strength of our faith is in direct proportion to our level of belief that God will do exactly what He has promised. Faith has nothing to do with feelings, impressions, outward appearances, nor the probabability or improbability of an event. If we try to couple these things with faith, we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith is not dependent on them. Faith rests on the pure Word of God alone. And when we take Him at His Word, our hearts are at peace.
(Streams in the Desert)
I am sitting in my sunroom looking at the gorgeous day outside and thinking about Jeremy and the kids at the park. Since it is the weekend following my treatment, it is difficult for me to do anything for the next several days. God has me listening to Him today, though, and for that I am thankful. My children are at peace and giggly today and I am so thrilled that life is "normal" for them right now (even though it is not anywhere near normal for Jeremy and I!).
I read this passage this morning and it resonated deeply with me. I am struggling today with our storms of Jeremy's job loss, and my cancer diagnosis and course of treatment. I am desperate to see God's purpose in these situations. I spent some time sitting in a "pit" of our losses earlier today and began dwelling on the "Why's". Oh, how much easier is it to examine feelings and appearances than it is to explore God's promises for our lives. Right now I feel like God is calling us to transparency and testimony (not easy when one is feeling whiney!). And if this is the sole purpose of our trial, then that is worth it. I pray that God gives us the strength to carry out His plan with joy, faith, and perseverence.
I look forward to one day looking back and seeing the path that God illuminated for us step by step. At the same time, I don't want to miss what God has for us in the present.The graciousness and kindness of the people around us, the strengthening of our marriage and family, and the reminder of God's love for our family surrounds us right now. Thank you for all of your prayers and support. Thank you for so many of you who have loved us so well through our season.
In this way, we will bear a worthy testimony to the world and thereby strengthen the lives of others. (Mueller)
I trust in your word.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Guest Blogger! :)
It was so bad we didn't think we were going to make it. We felt like we had been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out it was the best thing that could have happened . Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get us out of it, we were forced to trust in God totally- not a bad idea since he is the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he'll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing. You and your prayers are part of the rescue operation- I dont want you in the dark about that either. I can see your face even now, lifted in praise for God's deliverence of us, a rescue in which your prayers played such a crucial part.
2 Corinthians 1.8-11 The Message
I recently asked my wife if she would allow me to be a guest blogger from time to time as God places something on my heart. Although, I must admit that before Laura took up the practice I had no idea what a blog was. (insert laughter from wife) I have found through my wife that it is a wonderful tool to communicate God's plan and mercy for our lives. The past week has been another tough one for our family. After seven years on my job I was given notice that my position would be eleminated at the end of the month. As I heard the news my heart sank. I thought, "why us?" and "why now?" As I prayed and studied the scripture I came to the conclusion of why not now and why not us. I was reminded that in our weakest moments God makes us strong.
As we move through this journey it is becoming more and more obvious we are unable to do anything without God. As a father and husband I have spent the last few years looking at how far "I" had come and how much "I" had accomplished through my hard work. I am so very aware at this moment that it is God that is in control and it is God who will bring us through these hardships so that He may be glorified. We ask that you continue to pray dear friends for our family. In the end we will all be able to share in the blessings that God promises to deliver again and again.
Jeremy
2 Corinthians 1.8-11 The Message
I recently asked my wife if she would allow me to be a guest blogger from time to time as God places something on my heart. Although, I must admit that before Laura took up the practice I had no idea what a blog was. (insert laughter from wife) I have found through my wife that it is a wonderful tool to communicate God's plan and mercy for our lives. The past week has been another tough one for our family. After seven years on my job I was given notice that my position would be eleminated at the end of the month. As I heard the news my heart sank. I thought, "why us?" and "why now?" As I prayed and studied the scripture I came to the conclusion of why not now and why not us. I was reminded that in our weakest moments God makes us strong.
As we move through this journey it is becoming more and more obvious we are unable to do anything without God. As a father and husband I have spent the last few years looking at how far "I" had come and how much "I" had accomplished through my hard work. I am so very aware at this moment that it is God that is in control and it is God who will bring us through these hardships so that He may be glorified. We ask that you continue to pray dear friends for our family. In the end we will all be able to share in the blessings that God promises to deliver again and again.
Jeremy
Thursday, March 29, 2012
When fearful can be a good thing
I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are your works, and my soul knows very well.
Psalm 139:14
I have referenced the word fear just a "few" times over the last few months but wanted to look at the word from a different angle. I began thinking about this verse last night and woke up thinking about it again. I know what it means to fear but do I know what it means to be fearfully made? In a little bit of digging, I found that in the original Hebrew, the word 'fearfully' means: with great reverence and heartfelt interest and respect.
In other words, we are not just thrown together at the last minute whim of God or our parents. God contemplated our very existence and created us with purpose and intent. This is quite a reminder in a busy world in which we can feel a bit lost sometimes. Yes, God is bigger than the universe, bigger than what we can comprehend. However, He took time before our creation to thoughtfully design and make you and me specifically.
As we walk through difficult seasons and through seasons of rest, we can always know that God made us as a "marvelous work".
Love and blessings.
Psalm 139:14
I have referenced the word fear just a "few" times over the last few months but wanted to look at the word from a different angle. I began thinking about this verse last night and woke up thinking about it again. I know what it means to fear but do I know what it means to be fearfully made? In a little bit of digging, I found that in the original Hebrew, the word 'fearfully' means: with great reverence and heartfelt interest and respect.
In other words, we are not just thrown together at the last minute whim of God or our parents. God contemplated our very existence and created us with purpose and intent. This is quite a reminder in a busy world in which we can feel a bit lost sometimes. Yes, God is bigger than the universe, bigger than what we can comprehend. However, He took time before our creation to thoughtfully design and make you and me specifically.
As we walk through difficult seasons and through seasons of rest, we can always know that God made us as a "marvelous work".
Love and blessings.
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