Saturday, September 8, 2012

My portion and my cup

Lord, you are my portion and my cup. You hold my future.  The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed I have a beautiful inheritance. I will praise the Lord who counsels me-even at night my conscience instructs me. I keep the Lord in mind always, because He is at my right hand. I will not be shaken. Therefore, my heart is glad and my spirit rejoices; my body also rests securely. For You will not abandon me to Sheol; You will not allow Your Faithful One to see decay.You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in your right hand are eternal pleasures.
Psalm 16:5-11

Ok, so I know it's been a while but God's been doing a lot of work on my heart and the heart of my little family.
     This passage has pulled hard on my soul this week and I have been reminded again that scripture is alive, powerful, and active. Our worship pastor, Stephen, read this at our Wednesday night service and I felt the familiar welling up of tears that I have experienced so many times as I sense God working. Circumstances have been uncertain for some time now in many aspects of my family's life yet we have never lost hope. We are learning to be entirely dependent on God this year in every single way imaginable. We had 2 choices. We could either become bitter and angry or rely on our Lord 100%. There was no in between. We chose to rely on Him. This is not to say that we haven't had more shaky moments that I care to count or that we have always felt certain as to our path. It does mean, however, that we always were sheltered by the Rock.
     God is our portion. He is our cup. He fills our every need. He holds our future. When we are moving through life one moment and are shaken upside down the next, He holds our every moment. The boundary lines that he places for us are seen by many as forbidding and condemning. However, I see them as fences in a yard that protect me from so many beasts in the forest. He is not holding us back. Rather, He is guarding our bodies, hearts, and souls from more than we will ever realize. I have a beautiful inheritance and a reminder that, although our lives consume us here on earth, it is but a blink of an eye compared to the inheritance God has for us in eternity. I have decided to praise the Lord even when my future feels unknown. The Lord is in my thoughts and guides even my smallest moments.I will not be shaken. I will not be shaken. (my favorite part). When I rest in Him, my body, whether sick or healthy, rests securely. He will never abandon me to Sheol, the pit. I will never be allowed to fall apart. He reveals what I need to do step by step; revealing only enough to move forward and walk in faith. When I walk in all of these ways, I have more than enough joy. Wow. What a message of hope and love.
     When I read and meditate on that passage, how can I be overwhelmed when life is not what I planned?
 When reflecting on the last 6 months, it would be easy to become bitter and frustrated. A cancer diagnosis, Jeremy's job loss, and a move. However, I choose to look at how God showed up day after day. He provided a step ahead of our needs. He provided a teaching job that only He knew I needed, countless people that have loved us through the hardest season of our life, and very physical ways of meeting our daily needs. Rather than being overcome with the losses of the last year, I choose to be overcome by the presence of my God.

*update on my health-I completed chemotherapy back at the end of May and began radiation after a week at the beach that was so generously offered to my family. My radiation was 30 treatments and I went daily for 6 weeks. I met some wonderful people through that time and came to be thankful for a team that truly cared about my whole self and my family. I completed radiation therapy on July 31st and began preplanning for a new teaching job on August 1st. My school year has been terrific and I am feeling great. I have all of my 6 month rechecks this month (MRI, mammogram, oncologist and surgeon) and continue to move towards completely renewed health and energy. Love and thankfulness to so many of you that have fulfilled emotional and physical needs for me and my family. Love, Laura